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[personal profile] golisolation 2019-04-28 03:24 pm (UTC)(link)
[Nanu's certainly not wrong, the festival did indeed lead to confidence in an area that otherwise would have gone untouched for far longer. Guzma's rarely the sort to travel down such an avenue, he's so unfamiliar with it, unskilled in such a department, that he'd sooner just let things fall into place, than say anything at all. In romantic endeavors, particularly with women, he's more likely to let them lead the way, than to do it himself. This experience has only reminded him of why. Guzma may be an arrogant fool, but he's often one where the territory is familiar, where he knows he can plant a good foothold and keep steady. This is, decidedly, not such terrain.

There's a notable relief to some of the tension, and the vibrations nearly stop when Nanu doesn't make a jab at him over this. He's come to expect that sorta shit from Nanu, and in a self-detructive way he was almost hoping to hear it. Hoping to have Nanu tear him down a little, just like he wanted to get roughed up (of course while roughing someone else up in the process). But it doesn't come. And since it doesn't, it actually makes him realize how much he doesn't want to be tore into.

His emotions are an utter mess right now, and he doesn't know what he wants. He knows what he needs, generally, which is help. But his mind is such a swirling mess of confusion, self-doubt, and self-hatred that he can't help himself but want to get a little fucked up, even if there's a better part of his mind that wants actual help. Comfort. Guidance.

Wordlessly, and almost sheepishly he nods as he starts to get up. Hissing slightly as he does so, his tired and aching muscles are rather upset with him, but on top of that drinking the night before and sleeping like he did—where he did, helped nothing at all. There's certainly a wobble to him as he stands, using the door behind him to steady himself. A normal person would have let Nanu open the door to let them in, instead, Guzma just does it, opening the door and walking in before Nanu.]
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[personal profile] golisolation 2019-04-28 08:55 pm (UTC)(link)
[This. This is what he should expect.

Once inside, Guzma stops a little ways in, looking around the place for the first time. Strange that he's never thought to stop by and bother Nanu before now, but he supposes that was by and large because he was busy getting up to no good. And while he's always had a weird take on respect for Nanu, it's never been to the degree it is now.

He looks to the cats... though the non-Pokèmon catches his attention and he gives it an odd look. He's not sure if he'll ever get used to the non-Pokèmon here, they look so strange by comparison. While Guzma gives Persian an acknowledging nod, Nanu's question in contrast does indeed go unanswered, because right now Guzma's not entirely sure what he wants. Even with something as simple as coffee. Though, he's never been much of a fan, not that he'll turn it down when Nanu comes back and gives it to him.

Deciding that he should sit, instead of standing around like a Donphan in the room, he makes his way to the couch. Even if Persian isn't his Pokèmon, and his affinity is far more with bugs, there's just... something comforting about being near a Pokèmon. He's not even fully aware that's why he chose the couch over the chair.

When Nanu returns, he'll find Guzma sitting on the middle portion of the couch, with his elbows resting on his knees, slouched over his lap. His head hanging. His glasses are in his left hand, though the hold is loose. His hood is still up and blocking his face. His breaths are slow and shallow, but they're noticeable. He's a pitiful sight, to be sure.

It takes him a second to notice Nanu's there, and peeking up just enough to see the mug, he takes it. He doesn't take a drink, not yet, instead he seems fit to just hold it for now, letting his head hang again.]
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[personal profile] golisolation 2019-05-04 08:21 pm (UTC)(link)
[He barely even noticed the two scramming from the couch when he chose the seat. His mind busy as it is, but he does notice how Persian shows that small amount of affection. He's not as familiar with felines, but he gets it. He does have his own Liepard who has done well to socialize him to the affections of cats, after all. No expert like Nanu, still.

He takes a few more moments of silence before taking a sip from the coffee. It results in a look of disgust and snort of surprise at how bitter it is. It's a wonder he didn't drop it or spit it. Instead, he resigns to the initial drink, swallowing it like he was swallowing lead. If there was any question on whether or not he was still sleepy before, he's certainly awake now.

Finally he brushes the hood off of his head, leveling a look at Nanu that's more serious than what's natural for him, but that's the nature of this whole thing, isn't it?]


I'm shit at this, Nanu.

[He admits freely, not even knowing where to start, but knowing he needs to. Nanu's doing him enough of a service harboring him like this, he can't also lead the conversation that's entirely for his own benefit. With a quick inhale (something made a little hard with his swollen nose), he settles back against the couch, letting his hands settle in his lap, cupping the mug there as he tries to decide if he wants to suffer it further, or ask for a metric fuck ton of sugar.

Finally, he speaks again:]


What's wrong with me, huh?

[Which is a question that's akin to opening Pandora's box, but... here he is, asking it all the same. Of course, the question isn't meant so generally, but Guzma's never been good at specifics.]
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[personal profile] golisolation 2019-05-10 03:06 am (UTC)(link)
[Honestly, he probably wouldn't have even complained at being covered by Meowth, it'd be a sorely needed measure of comfort, but for now this is enough.

When Nanu rises from his seat, Guzma looks at him with a little bit of surprise—but when Nanu replies, it settles him. There was a light fear that Nanu was just going to blow him off. This newly formed relationship of theirs was still in its infancy, still new, and it's a fragile thing.]


Not really, no.

[He answers without thinking as he puts probably far too many spoonfuls of sugar into his coffee. This might be moping like a high schooler over a rejected crush, but he takes his coffee like a goddamn elementary schooler. It's not till he's stirring it in that he realizes how that might have sounded, and with a bit of needless gruffness he adds:]

Not that I ain't been laid plenty of times—don't twist this into somethin' it ain't. It's more I ain't really one for... this sorta shit.

[What he means is feelings, if that wasn't obvious. Not that he hasn't had them plenty, but he's never been one to actively pursue them like this. Even with his misplaced feelings for Lusamine, feelings he still isn't fully certain on anymore, it was a situation more under her control, than his. And even then, she was hardly good news for him.

This whole thing with Jill, it was different. More vulnerable, more trust, more care. For once he wasn't getting himself wrapped up in trouble, and even then it ended up hurting him.]
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[personal profile] golisolation 2019-05-11 04:23 pm (UTC)(link)
[The look gets an exasperated and almost defensive expression from Guzma as he settles back against the couch. Look man, he just wanted to make it clear that it's not a matter of him not being able to get laid, alright? He might have a lot of issues, but getting booty ain't one of them!

Placing his glasses besides him, he does finally reach over to pet Persian, appreciating the feel of her soft fur against his rough hand. There's just nothing like petting a Pokèmon to sooth one's emotions. Of course it's hardly a cure all, but it helps.

Of course the shithead part of Guzma definitely entertains the thought of derailing this due to Nanu's vagueness of what he's asking him to talk about, but the part of him that's still hurting and has respect for the older man keeps him in check. Maybe another time he'll regale Nanu on shit he never asked to hear, but not now.]


...Yeah.

[He takes a sip of his coffee, now more tan in color than the black bitter abyss it was before. Tolerable, but it's no Tapu Cocoa.]

I dunno exactly why I thought it was a good idea, lookin' back it seems so damn stupid... but, it made sense at the time. She and me've known each other for a while now, yeah? And we get on great, figured it'd just make sense if we... took shit past just bein' friends. Ain't like we haven't been a little intimate in the past—not that we fucked or nothin', but...

[His mind, of course, goes to the night of her return. When she broke out of that crystal. The emotions there were deep and real, and then they held each other and slept in each other's arms... Guzma's not sure what he was supposed to make of that, how he was supposed to interpret it.]

Maybe I'm just an idiot, and I saw things that weren't there.

[Which is entirely possible when you're this lonely and you're looking for attention, validation, and acknowledgment. And here's Jill, giving him all of that and more. Making a positive difference in his life, when the person before her who did that was anything but positive.]

Ji—She wasn't cruel or nothin' when she let me down. But maybe... I kinda wish she had been. Mighta been easier if I could have been mad at more than myself.

[Taking his hand from Persian, he runs it through his messy hair, his expression hardening to a frustrated and pained scowl as his eyes focus on the contents of his cup.]

...Even then, I don't think I'd have been mad at her, even if she did treat me like shit during that whole thing.