ulaulakahuna | empatheias contact post

[he sighs heavily as nanu inspects him, then pulls himself up to free some space on the bench for the kahuna.]

No. I can't sleep. That's the problem. I'm assuming it's the same for you, unless you're having a geriatric moment and got lost on the way to the toilet.

[crobat rejoins them, sitting next to archie to offer him heat. he puts a hand on its back, scritching the fuzz.]

On your own?

Hmh. I was wondering where it was.

[Nanu graciously gives him the benefit of the doubt, restraining himself from giving him a smartass qwip. He can tell something's off—though if that proves to be nothing, then it's war again. The other question doesn't get a reply. Instead, Absol emerges from the shadows behind the bench - on Archie's side. Nanu sits on the other. Now he has two pairs of red eyes staring at him.]

I assumed you self-medicated for that.

[Actually not a smartass comment. Just...something he noticed...often...is all...]

[he seems a little uncomfortable to be in the middle of the two, but whatever.]

Yo, Absol. Your scythe looks nice tonight. [still love the pokémon, bitch.] Yeah. It gets to a point where it just makes you feel worse, though.

[and even then it doesn't stop the bad dreams, he thinks. melodramatically.]

Why are you up?

[keen to get the topic off himself and his terrible "coping" methods.]

[Absol does not respond beyond a slow blink. This is an acceptable compliment. His thanks. ◦_◦ ]

[Leaning back with his arms crossed, Nanu makes a low hum of agreement. He's not unfamiliar with that sort of self-medication, and he knows exactly what Archie's talking about.]

Got tired of sleeping so nice, so I woke myself up to stop the luxury.

[dripping with sarcasm, dry look]

I can't sleep either, pirate. Took a walk, like I'm guessing you did. Unless you mistook the bench for a bed?

I... no. I don't think so. [or maybe he did. that was some amount of time ago and he doesn't remember. he runs a hand through his hair then looks over at nanu seriously for once.] Sorry. 'Least I didn't wake you up this time, huh?

[Nanu manages to avoid another smart remark again just by the look on Archie's face.]

How long have you been out here?

Tonight.

[wait-- no. god, he's out of it. his brain is simultaneously about five hours behind and five hours ahead. he can taste colours but at the same time can no longer see them. is it night? is he even real?]

Ah... I mean. Since tonight. Sometime between ten minutes and a couple hours.

[Okay, this is ridiculous—and not in the usual ha-ha funny "make fun of Archie" way. Arms still crossed, Nanu turns a little on the bench toward the other man.]

You want to give a hint as to what the hell's wrong with you? Or are we going to keep pretending you don't have a problem?

Can we keep pretending?

[sigh.]

This isn't the first night. Try... third.

[his tone says it all. please just kill him and put him out of his misery, nanu.]

[Nanu makes a noise between a hum and a scoff, sounding as he knows exactly what that's like.]

Can't sleep? Or won't sleep?

[because there can be a big difference, sometimes]

[archie has seen nanu's face, he has seen the Dark Circles Of Legend. he has no doubt nanu knows what it's like.]

Hmm... pick one. Same result.

Same result doesn't always mean same conscious decision. [it probably means same reason, though]

[He turns away from Archie, looking up at the stars silently for a moment. Absol, though still eerily quiet, comes to rest by sitting down next to Archie. He doesn't really offer affection, but it's implied that he will accept it if given.]

You want to talk about it, or do you want me to scram?

[there's a lot that happens in those few seconds that surprise him. absol offering comfort (of course he reaches out a hand to put it on the pokémon's ruff, who do you think he is) and then nanu offering some degree of sympathy. archie isn't sure what to make of it all.]

I almost killed everyone on the planet, [he says, flatly.] What else is there to say?

[huff]

What about you? Upset about Sudoku? [he... is genuinely interested. does nanu have something on his mind or is he just having A Night? archie realises he doesn't know anything about the guy.]

I know. [also said flatly. Yeah, you're not getting away with just that, Archie. Nanu's going to ignore the return question because he's not done with you yet.]

There's saying you have remorse for it at all. If that's the reason keeping you awake.

[he huffs again, a little irritated at what he thinks nanu is saying.]

Y'think I'm puttin' this on, or something?

No. [and he actually sounds sincere] I think there's a hell of a lot more to it that you're trying to tuck into one neat little ball and throw in front of me as a decoy.

[it almost sounds like he has really very specific experience with that metaphor]

[he's quiet for a long moment, focusing on dragging his fingers lightly through absol's fur.]

I-- [he starts, then stops. his emotions, pathetic fallacy as they are, causes a light, oddly dry mist to descend on them. archie frowns-- nanu is right, he's been evasive but he's... not sure how to keep it up. too tired.] --keep coming back to the same thing, I think. I didn't consider I'd have to do this alone-- even after trying to push Shelly and Matt away as best I could.

[his nose wrinkles. he looks a little disgusted.]

I did what I did after striking out, but then in another world where no-one knows me or what I did, and suddenly it's too hard? I was relying on the others far too much. How pathetic. No matter how hard I try, I come back to feeling scared-- and yet can't figure out if that's true or if it's just an excuse I'm using to delay doing anything as long as possible.

Relying on your friends is pathetic now, huh? Not something I thought I'd hear from you. [He doesn't leave much room for reply, moving right on to start making his point.]

So, let me get this straight. You screw up. Monumentally. Your friends help you realize that. Start helping you deal with it. And then, hey what do you know—your life gets hijacked by some tauros-shit no one even knows about, you get dumped in a world where pokémon don't exist-- [because that's definitely not helping the situation, either] --and not a single person you know came with you.

[Here's where he starts counting on his fingers in tandem with each point.]

You've got guilt from almost causing our world from biting the dust. You've got guilt for roping your closest friends into the plan to begin with. You're taken away from your major support system right when it kicks into action. You can't talk to the exact people you need to talk to in order to deal with it. You force yourself to pretend like nothing happened, because in this world, nothing did...

...And you think it's not only pathetic that you're having trouble dealing with all your crap without any help, but also figure you're using your fear as justification to be a layabout.

[that may have been more than nanu's ever said to archie the entire time they've known each other]

Did I get that right?

[he lets nanu talk, though he's clearly feeling Some Kinda Way about it. there's no surprise that someone who has far more experience than him has him on read, but it's still kind of annoying to be laid out to thoroughly. crobat croos at nanu, likely congratulating him for putting his best friend on blast. you mother fucker.]

Yes, [archie responds, flatly.] That's just about everything.

Edited 2019-01-20 14:14 (UTC)

[Absol makes some kind of noise between a purr and a knowing hum, whether Archie's still petting him or not. Re-crossing his arms, Nanu subtly nods and goes quiet for a few moments following his speech. And then he looks back at Archie.]

Do you really think that's pathetic?

Yes.

[the answer is flat, almost devoid of any of the usual emotion archie has when he's speaking.]

It doesn't matter how I feel. I said I'd be better. It's not about me.

[at least, he tells himself that so he can continue to act like he's fine.]

You being better isn't about you?

[He just gives Archie a look that says c'mon, really?]

I bet you'd think it would matter more if your friends had been dropped here with you. [Or at least, they'd let him know it and get on his case like true friends do.] What do you think they would say if they heard you say that? Or any of that pathetic-talk about relying on them?

Not for other people to deal with. They've had enough of that, haven't they?

[admittedly his current state is overblowing a lot of these issues that he's been running through in his mind.

he runs his hand through his hair, sighing irritably.]

I don't think it's all hopeless, you know. [he smirks a little, despite himself.] ...I guess they'd both kick my ass into next week.

[Damn. Any other time, that would be the perfect opening for Nanu. As it is, he snorts and shakes his head, knowing Archie's going to rebuke him no matter the line of thought. It's still about him whether he tries to dismiss it or not.]

[His second answer is closer to what Nanu wants to hear.]

Only next week? [huffs] I'm no expert on friends, but I'm pretty sure calling their support "pathetic" warrants a knock into next month, at least.

Maybe, [he looks down again, at absol, huffing slightly. his breath fogs-- the temperature drop is probably getting quite obvious now. it's spreading out, not just localised to archie.] I didn't say they are. I said splintering apart like some kind of brittle plane of glass the moment I lost them is.

[lost them-- it's almost like he's even managed to find a way to blame himself for being brought here.]

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