[At first, he doesn't answer. He can't think of a comeback to her logic, which settles into his mind and grabs hold; the mental equivalent of grabbing someone's shoulders and shaking them into realization. Shouldn't that tell you why I am? His fingers curl deeper into the fabric of her clothes.]
[Anabel's telling him point-blank what she wants. If he denies those wishes, would she still stay, he wonders? Immediately, that thought is banished; he would never go that far. He couldn't go that far, even if he wanted to. She knows him, quite possibly better than anyone - barring Looker. She knows he's chock full of secrets and mysteries, keeps himself in the shadows both literally and metaphorically, and rarely gives a straight answer to opt for cryptic messages and turning circles around the subject. The fact that she's asking him for this so openly, so direct, shows how much this means to her; and that's not counting the emotion in her voice that leads him to the same conclusion regardless.]
[Her lips ghost his jawline. It gives him goosebumps and a chill. Another wave hits him as she tells him that she's already made her decision. Nanu should know she doesn't take serious matters lightly, even a situation like this in whicih it's painfully obvious they're both unprepared for.]
[With his face in her shoulder, she doesn't see him squeeze his eyes shut during her finishing declaration. It is too clear. Too direct. Much more direct than either of them have ever been. And with that one sentence, she sends him into surprise yet again tonight.]
[This pause is longer. Too long. It has to be, with the amount of information Nanu has to process; with every factor affecting his next words. He has to choose them carefully. The ground they're on isn't as precarious as it had been, but it's still unsteady. The only sign that he hasn't shut down completely during this bout of silence is the presence of his hands gripping the fabric of her shirt. And once they start to loosen, it means he's ready to respond.]
...I'm doing it again, aren't I?
[Slowly and very reluctantly, Nanu pulls back from her embrace. Not completely or even too far, and slow enough so they can both shift comfortably from their positions. He's still close - he only pulls back enough to raise his head to meet her eyes (finally), back hunched and still leaning toward her, still inside each other's personal space. His arms come loose from around her, but they linger on her arms, cupping them near the elbow and forearm. Perhaps this entire movement, too, is direct; purposefully maneuvered so Anabel doesn't think Nanu's trying to distance himself in any way.]
[Even then, it's another few seconds of awkward silence as he looks at her. Bags upon bags under his drooping eyes, filled with exhaustion and grief. Hers are so beautiful in comparison.]
Thing is... I do believe you deserve better. Better than a wretch like me. ...I know I can't convince you of that. [pause] ...But I'm done treating you like you don't have full agency over yourself. That ended the same moment I told you the truth. I'm... I'm not going to act like you haven't thought this through all the way. I know you have. You're smart. You've got a good head on your shoulders.
[Another pause; he flickers his gaze down and off to the side.]
...If you say you'd rather have me, then I'm... ...... [He briefly looks...pained? Still filled with grief? Confusion? It's hard to tell. His hands twitch against her arms.] ......I know I'd rather have you than anyone else.
UNACCEPTABLE !!
[Anabel's telling him point-blank what she wants. If he denies those wishes, would she still stay, he wonders? Immediately, that thought is banished; he would never go that far. He couldn't go that far, even if he wanted to. She knows him, quite possibly better than anyone - barring Looker. She knows he's chock full of secrets and mysteries, keeps himself in the shadows both literally and metaphorically, and rarely gives a straight answer to opt for cryptic messages and turning circles around the subject. The fact that she's asking him for this so openly, so direct, shows how much this means to her; and that's not counting the emotion in her voice that leads him to the same conclusion regardless.]
[Her lips ghost his jawline. It gives him goosebumps and a chill. Another wave hits him as she tells him that she's already made her decision. Nanu should know she doesn't take serious matters lightly, even a situation like this in whicih it's painfully obvious they're both unprepared for.]
[With his face in her shoulder, she doesn't see him squeeze his eyes shut during her finishing declaration. It is too clear. Too direct. Much more direct than either of them have ever been. And with that one sentence, she sends him into surprise yet again tonight.]
[This pause is longer. Too long. It has to be, with the amount of information Nanu has to process; with every factor affecting his next words. He has to choose them carefully. The ground they're on isn't as precarious as it had been, but it's still unsteady. The only sign that he hasn't shut down completely during this bout of silence is the presence of his hands gripping the fabric of her shirt. And once they start to loosen, it means he's ready to respond.]
...I'm doing it again, aren't I?
[Slowly and very reluctantly, Nanu pulls back from her embrace. Not completely or even too far, and slow enough so they can both shift comfortably from their positions. He's still close - he only pulls back enough to raise his head to meet her eyes (finally), back hunched and still leaning toward her, still inside each other's personal space. His arms come loose from around her, but they linger on her arms, cupping them near the elbow and forearm. Perhaps this entire movement, too, is direct; purposefully maneuvered so Anabel doesn't think Nanu's trying to distance himself in any way.]
[Even then, it's another few seconds of awkward silence as he looks at her. Bags upon bags under his drooping eyes, filled with exhaustion and grief. Hers are so beautiful in comparison.]
Thing is... I do believe you deserve better. Better than a wretch like me. ...I know I can't convince you of that. [pause] ...But I'm done treating you like you don't have full agency over yourself. That ended the same moment I told you the truth. I'm... I'm not going to act like you haven't thought this through all the way. I know you have. You're smart. You've got a good head on your shoulders.
[Another pause; he flickers his gaze down and off to the side.]
...If you say you'd rather have me, then I'm... ...... [He briefly looks...pained? Still filled with grief? Confusion? It's hard to tell. His hands twitch against her arms.] ......I know I'd rather have you than anyone else.
[There it is.]